I took a taxi upto the hospital this afternoon to say my goodbyes. I met my brother there. Seeing him like that was frightening but I soon realised even though the cancer has ravaged his body, my Daddys still there. I told him everything I needed to in my head as even the side room on the ward lacked privacy and I didnt want to upset Gray. Hes being so solid...i think hes gotten his tears over with in privacy. A few times he opened his eyes and looked at me. He tried to speak but couldnt and drifted back to sleep. We made sure he knew we were there. It was SO hard to leave him, I got ready, called the taxi and turned to look at him one more time. Opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I told him from my heart in my thoughts I loved him and I'd make him proud. The ride home was the longest. I cannot comprehend never seeing him again. Him pulling faces at me like he did, going for walks, christmases, teaching me everything I know I miss him so much already. I love you Dad, you are the best Dad a daughter could ever ask for. I promise I'll do all the things you wanted me to and I'll spend the rest of my life doing things I know would make you proud. Don't worry about Mum Graham and I will look after her, you took care of everything else. See you in heaven when my time comes, save me a seat under your umbrella in the sunny sky x x x x x